Above is a pretty average depiction of my brain. Fairly empty, swirling with thoughts, some profanities and often (yes) there is a hashtag or two somewhere embedded in there. And I mean it's not all dark and twisty and angry -- I added some colour in there because I'm not a monster or a robot or someone who completely miserable and dead on the inside.
This is what I thought my adult mind would look like at 25. A calming gradient of cascading blues, that are consistent yet never boring. Full of thought and perspective and depth. (Minus my face of course, I just thought from a design perspective it looked cool there)
Things aren't going to be how you expect them. Your life is only going to be about 25% how you expected -- 75% is going to be a surprise. And they won't necessarily be bad surprises, but I'm not making any promises.
I'm hoping that this "25%" is filled with things you planned for : A job that pays the bills, a place in which you will live, knowing that you won't always get along with everyone you meet, knowing that you won't always live up to expectations, knowing that a certain percentage of your life isn't going to be how you planned.
That other 75% might just be: "Wow, I can't believe I work here", "I like yoga", "I'm marrying my best friend", "I'm living in a new city", "I have to start over", "I'm going back to school"...
This is a mixture of good and bad unexpected outcomes. It could all be walking in the sunshine, amazing experiences and friends and money. Congratulations! I'm so happy for you! I hate you, but I'm happy for you. Someone out there deserves to find this mythical unicorn. On the other hand, it could all be bad news bears. In which case, you're up against some pretty hard hitting questions about what direction you want your life to take from here.
The good news in all of this is: you will eventually find your way.
How? is a complicated question with many answers of which I cannot comment on. But you will do it, one decision at a time.
Make decisions that benefit you and move you towards your goals. Each good decision will be like a brick towards your unimaginable dream home. Just start today. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start.
How I went from talking about the inner workings of my brain to this... Well, that's just part of the 75% of unexpected outcomes now isn't it.
I'll talk to you soon.